Talking with the 15...16 yr old last night (the youngest and logical one) about relationship issues was yet again an interesting twist. (I think he is the one who values our insight the most out of all of them. LOL) We were talking about "the competition" and why they really are not competitors in the end. I remember getting to that place in the conversation when I realized this isn't about being a teenager but being new to "relationships". So, I ended up changing what I was about to say to actually explain that this is a life lesson, meaning not just to get him through high school dating. (If only someone had told me more things like this coming up. Everything in my life was RIGHT NOW... But I digress.) We explained that even though we are married, people still try to "come at us". His face at that moment was hilarious! (Like... my parents still got it?!) What I'm getting at this morning is moments like this remind me of why my last name was changed.
Somewhere midway in the conversation I explained how I am quick to tell these counterfeits, "You cannot replace this man right here. You cannot do what he does." Sorry, not sorry. I watched as our 16 yr old nodded his head with understanding approval at my honey as I explained what that meant. I felt such a peace at that moment. The conversation was like a gentle reminder of how much my heart and womanhood is safeguarded these days. There was such a time when this was not the case, and that storm feels like eons ago, thank you Jesus.
I said yes to him because I recognized the type of safeguarding he offered. It looked like my Father's style. Even my natural father, in some cases! So as a woman, female, and former teenage girl, I explained to my son that because of the way I am treated (valued) I am in no way willing to give it up! I don't know if the next guy can do what my husband does and how he does it. I don't know if he can speak my language, translate my vocabulary for others, talk me off the cliff, reel me in, handle my hobby life, deal with my ADD/ADHD/LMNOP, be my biggest fan when I can't see my own accomplishments, back to my hobby life on steroids, late night battles with my brain, and there is so much more! What I can tell you is I am not willing to gamble to find out. It looks too much like my Daddy, and I love it! It's like God lovingly planned to box me in knowing I would need it, and my husband is great at his job of me. I am an enterprise, and running it can be work!
So I said all of that to say this. Your spouse may not be a lot of things if you waste time comparing him or her to others. You can find what "seems" to be missing if you really wanted to. The truth is we are all missing something, so it's not a real discovery in the end. It is simply an act of uncovering your mate, but that's another blog for later. What I learned while auditioning for my last name was this man was truly interested in preserving me. The real me. He was fully aware of what he was signing up for and he enlisted anyway. This is the type of security we search for in life. This is the type of safekeeping we desire as God's children. It's that I see value in you, and I cherish and protect what I value unconditional love. Why? Because He created us to! We first have to learn how to let Him keep us, and then we are to do the same for one another. Now that sounds familiar. If you know me, you know what I'm going to say next. On earth, as it is... Good job!
As we teach our children how to love, I pray that we have the ability to be honest and transparent for their sake and the sake of the Word being planted and rooted in them along the way. Teach them how to see through Kingdom eyes to discover their own worth, appreciate differences in others, and how to value another person without compromising God's ways. In other words, teach them how to value someone else's makeup and upbringing because nothing takes God by surprise and He uses it all for His glory if we allow Him to. Most importantly, teach them through our own lives how to let their true Father keep them so they can truly emulate their God... on earth as it is in heaven.
I hope this has blessed your parenting efforts and even your marriage views a little more today!
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Just a little birdy and fish about the Father's business. Helping to better the world one blog at a time.