Marriage Fruit: Peace

Peace in marriage. This is such a beautiful concept, and Romans 14:19 instructs us to make every effort to do the things that will lead us into or maintain peace. It also tells us to make every effort to say things that strengthen and encourage one another. What is better training ground for this lesson other than the mission field of marriage? I had the pleasure of writing about this fruit because it is a struggle for me even today. So, I am going to share three concepts that still help me to show this part of the fruit in time of trouble.

Blueberries may seem small, but just a handful pack a powerful punch of antioxidants and vitamin C, making them mighty stress-busters. When we’re stressed, our bodies need vitamin C and antioxidants to help repair and protect cells.

This may take a minute, so let’s get comfortable.

One:
Our adversary tries to distort or pervert God’s creation in any way he can. One of his tactics is influencing us to respond in an ungodly manner to one another knowing we have been instructed to do otherwise. Our Father designed our emotions, logic, and language to express His characteristics back to Him and to one another. He wants our heartfelt love. Our body language should demonstrate this love, and certainly our words should express this love; first to Him and then to one another. Yet, we were born into a sinful state. Now, these traits that should have been evidence of who He is through us have turned into one life lesson after another of trying to discover who He is despite who we are. This has created a very different world other than what God intended it to be, and that is peaceful.

Peace is from God. Being satisfied (content) is one of the main attributes of the fruit of the Spirit helping couples create and maintain a redemptive atmosphere for one another. Usually, the lack of peace is an indication that someone is not satisfied. Honestly, it is difficult to find it in our spouse, because it should be found in Christ, first. When we seek our peace from Jesus, we take the pressure from our spouse to provide something they are not capable of giving. The Bible tells us that God will keep us in perfect peace, not our spouse. In fact, the Word has many scriptures between the Old and the New Testament that talk about the blessings of embracing a peaceful lifestyle (God's way) and the consequences if we do not. If you take some time to research some of the scriptures yourself, I trust you will see its importance. Here are just a few examples:

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• Colossians 3:15 “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you are called to peace. And be thankful.” (When one part of the body begins to war with another part of the body, we call that a sickness, in the natural. Are you behaving like a catalytic virus in the body?)
  
• Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which transcend all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (When you are in true peace, it is not logically explained in times of conflict but confidently demonstrated through an assurance. No matter how aggressive the enemy becomes, your heart and mind are guarded through Jesus Christ.)
• Proverbs 12:20 “Deceit is in the heart of those who plot evil, but those who promote peace have joy.” (We can address this with another Proverb.  A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (15:1). (Harsh words come from a place of deceit. They are a devious way of setting up others to react negatively. So, when we have conflict, are we having a disagreement or an argument? The difference matters. We are to avoid quarreling according to Titus 3:2.)
• Psalms 37:37 “Consider the blameless, observe the upright; a future awaits those who seek peace. (A future is a reward for those who work at maintaining a peaceful atmosphere.)
• Psalms 119:165 “Great peace have those who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.” (When we obey God’s ways that He has set in place for us to thrive, our earthly experiences can’t make us fall, stagger, trip, or deter us.)
• Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.” (God will support, sustain, uphold your mind completely, safely in contentment--because He is in covenant with us and never fails to honor His end of the agreement. So, what is there to worry or argue about? Also see Isaiah 54:10.)

While blueberries are tasty all by themselves (tip: freeze them for a cold berry snack), there’s no better way to boost the nutrition in a serving of yogurt or high-fiber cereal.

Two:
In John 16:33 Jesus explains to us that we should expect tribulations in this life, not to discourage us, but so that we will experience a peace by not being caught off guard by the enemy’s tactics. We will have those moments when it feels like nothing we do or say is right in the eyes of the ones we love. Be encouraged anyway. He even has power over marital discord. In those moments we tend to forget that our adversary does exist because he does not show himself in his usual form. We see and hear our spouse. When we choose to be offended rather than stand on the Word, that is when the enemy is apparent. Not sure if you have chosen offense? Here are some obvious and not so obvious examples that are clues:

• Actions: Slamming doors, banging pots and pans around, hanging up the phone abruptly, storming out, not coming home or coming in too late to have a discussion, refusing to be touched, halfheartedly completing or hurrying through a reasonable request, finding other distractions to assist in the avoidance game, selfish or unrealistic demands that inhibit your spouse.
• Emotional: Manipulation (i.e. the infamous intentional deep sigh, silent treatment, crying), eye rolling, sucking the teeth, looks of shame or disgust, and despair by creating a negative atmosphere.
• Verbal: Cutting him or her off in conversation, name calling, shaming by rehashing a mistake or a wrong, short/snappy responses in conversations (various tones: condescending, abusive, forceful, weak, timid), purposely being unreasonable, uncontrolled venting, avoiding presented facts, using hurtful/trigger words, manipulation (lying, omitting, exaggerating to get one’s way), and ultimatums.

These are all signals that the enemy has taken the seat behind the wheel of your spiritual car. This is neither normal behavior nor healthy communication. Can we truly be in obedience acting this way? But take heart! Jesus, our Savior has overcome these attempts to cause your marriage trouble and even more! That is what we have to remember when we are, not fighting one another, but fighting our REAL adversary trying to hold on to and maintain our God-given peace.

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Oatmeal is another food that helps get the calm-inducing hormone serotonin flowing. Go with thick-cut, old fashioned oats that require cooking instead of instant oatmeal. Why? Coarse oats are higher in fiber and so they take longer to digest (meaning their calming effect actually lasts longer).

Three:
If all else fails, have that one go-to scripture that you can memorize and meditate on that you know will honestly bring you back to where you desire to be in any situation. For example, the love chapter is not my go-to scripture in warfare! I need something else. 2 Cor. 10:3-6 says “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful [mighty through God] for the destruction of fortresses [strongholds]. We are destroying speculations [imaginations] and every lofty thing [elevated barrier] raised up against the knowledge [the Word] of God, and we are taking every thought captive [capture one’s mind] to the obedience of Christ, and we are ready to punish [protect and defend, avenge or vindicate one’s right] all disobedience, whenever Your obedience is complete [executed, carried out, complete].” This means for me:

1. We do not war according to the flesh (Stop! Don't do it, Bird!)
2. Our weapons are divinely powerful through God to destroy defenses (His weapons are much better than mine, and I won't have to repent for using them.)
3. We are to target our imaginations and any thoughts that elevates itself about the Word (Accountability check: Check my own filters, first. Is it me?)
4. I keep my mind in obedience to Christ to protect it from all disobedience when my obedience to Him is carried out. (If it is or is not me, obey the Word! That is my first responsibility!)

Keep in mind, the Word warns us that when we give in to anger we bear the blame for the resulted rebellion (Proverbs 29:22). So even for those of us who engage in arguments because you know you are right, you have to ask yourself is being recognized by man as the one in the right worth bearing the blame for a transgression in the eyes of God? Your need to be right can be the reason why someone saw you and not the peace of Christ, thus delaying His presence to enter into the situation. I will leave you with this last thought. “For God is not a god of disorder, but of peace-- as in all the congregation [the universal body of Christ] of the Lord’s people.” 1 Cor. 14:33

Warmest regards,
Bird

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