How do you compose a blog about kindness when everything and everyone around you is killing your motivation for it? How can I be useful when I am feeling used or used up? Why do I have to exhibit moral excellence when the people around me seem like their conduct is optional or they have no character at all, let alone spell it? Yes. This was my week and I still had to write about this spiritual characteristic.
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Another easy one. Everyone knows what kindness is, right? Sort of a Mary Poppins meets Mother Theresa thing. But for the sake of this blog, I had to do the definition thing, so I went to the good folks at Oxford Living Dictionary who gave me this jewel: “The quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.”. Cool. Friendly, generous, and considerate. That’s me in a nutshell. (Those of you who truly know me can stop laughing now). So kindness is simply me getting up in the morning, saying my prayers, and going out to be generous and considerate. Easiest blog ever.
Patience. This one was going to be easy. Get the concordance, look up patience, find the reference that fits with Galatians 5:22, define the words, write a blog. So, I got my concordance, looked up patience, and to my amazement, there was no reference to the book of Galatians. So I went back to the Bible and looked for the reference word. The words it gave me to find were forbearance and longanimity. One of those words I vaguely understand, the other one I didn’t know existed. So how was I to tie this into displaying the fruit of the Spirit in marriage?
Peace in marriage. This is such a beautiful concept, and Romans 14:19 instructs us to make every effort to do the things that will lead us into or maintain peace. It also tells us to make every effort to say things that strengthen and encourage one another. What is better training ground for this lesson other than the mission field of marriage? I had the pleasure of writing about this fruit because it is a struggle for me even today. So, I am going to share three concepts that still help me to show this part of the fruit in time of trouble.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given you under the sun—all the days of vanity and futility. For this is your reward in life and in your work in which you have labored under the sun. (AMP)
While training to become a Christian counselor, one of our responsibilities was to help others find or increase their "joy" intake. We defined joy as "I am happy to be with you". Hmmm... Then joy in marriage seems like a no-brainer. Of course, we should have joy, a major part of the decision to marry is to secure joy. When a couple decides to marry, it is usually due to an abundance of joy. Every encounter they have seems to be filled with happiness, and that happiness keeps them moving forward together. Over the course of time, the trials and responsibilities of life eat away at the time they can spend enjoying their lives. That confidence in knowing their spouse is still happy being with them begins to fade. If left unchecked, those issues will continue to erode the joy, until there is none left. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails... (NASB) If you are like me, you may cringe when these particular bible verses are read out loud outside of the privacy of my own prayer closet. Why? Because I feel like everyone in the room can see which part(s) I have failed at. The “Love” chapter can really feel like everything else but... love. It’s more like a mirror, if I may. A mirror in which my flaws are highlighted and magnified. Band F Ministry invites you to come and grow along with us. Because we are true advocates of marriage and we believe that marriage “works”, we spend a considerable amount of time seeking God on ways of making the “work” plain and clear. We do this so that more and more married couples, or those who desire to wed, can follow the instructions given to us in the divine Word.
Today we literally have a touchy subject. A simple gesture or touch can mean more to someone than we may realize. The simplest touch can spark and maintain amazing levels of intimacy between a husband and wife. There is an entire book of the Bible devoted to it. Song of Solomon is clear about the importance of intimacy. The ever popular love-struck couple details their love and desire for one another in one of the most romantic love stories ever written. And if you read closely you can discover some of the ways this couple kept the fire burning.
According to Dr. Kevin Leman, you can have an active marriage, but it will not be fulfilling without intimacy. Life requires each of us to do a lot of hum drum things. Approximately 90% of life is filled with the boring daily duties such as diaper changes, grocery store runs, work, carpooling, paying the bills, and so on. In the ever rolling ball of responsibility, God has designed and delivered something fabulous into to our routinized lives of obligation. We can touch one another, kiss one another, and pleasure our beloved in such a way that all of the daily chores and concerns we function through are no longer sitting in the forefront of our minds. Marital intimacy can transport us into another place and time. As Paul cautions us in 1 Cor. 7:1-7, the ultimate marital goal is to satisfy one another. Therefore, let us not neglect the gift of touch when it is such an important stimulant toward better things. Created in His image, you are the answer to a God-ordained desire. Fill it! :D Warmest regards, Bird & Fish "They" say one of the easiest ways to make an active commitment to your spouse is through gifts. Honestly, what do they know, right? Well, let's not throw this baby out with the bath water.
We have to admit that there are some who find value in receiving gifts in relationships, so we cannot dismiss what is important to our loved one. We want to maintain a redemptive atmosphere in our relationships, remember? So that means no judgment. In fact, committing to this act is not as hard as it seems. Start your own tradition of gift giving in your relationship. Something that we created in our marriage is #DirtWars. When the kids used to try to catch me in the act of surprising them, they would ask, "What are you doing" or "What are you up to, mom"? My answer? "Dirt!" Believe it or not I brought that idea into our marriage. It's code for "I'm up to something 'good' for YOU but it's a surprise"! Sometimes it's a favorite treat that magically appears in nightstands, a note strategically placed in the driver's seat of the car, or destination treasure hunt. Who knows! But the results are fun, easily reciprocated, and most of all... you can keep track so you that you can stay on track with your giving. :D Warmest regards, Bird & Fish Did you know this was a part of the "cleaving" process? We are to pursue each other closely to create a strong bond. Therefore... Strength can be a result of close association? You got it! Simply put, be intentional about making time for the one you love. Again, our first example of this is Christ and His bride. How would it look if we just happened to read a scripture where Jesus put us on hold? It doesn't even sound right! It is downright out of character for God to "back burner" His own. Can you imagine feeling lost, alone, defeated, emotional tank on empty yet again, and all you can think about is how nice it would be if you and Jesus could just spend some time together. You finally get a chance to see him and make your request known, and He says, "I'll see what I can do." And just how long would that relationship last? Seems like the "little foxes" Solomon warned us about already ruined the vineyard. (Song of Solomon 2:15)
Also, make sure the amount and quality of time you spend together is sufficient for your relationship. Don't measure your quality time against another couple's outcome. If you couldn't afford the trip to Paris this year, well several planned weekends away from home to surrounding cities less than a couple of hours drive adds up! Try a "no phone" Saturday from midnight until midnight, complete with planned fun activities. Keep the dating phase going: Parents, keep a babysitter on speed dial or search for local PNOs (Parents Night Out) to give yourselves a child-free dinner, a movie, or both! The point is to fill up that slot of time with "value" no matter the duration. Remind your spouse that they ARE enough for you. It doesn't have to be conventional. It just needs to work for you! Warmest regards, Bird & Fish |
AuthorJust a little birdy and fish about the Father's business. Helping to better the world one blog at a time. Categories
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