"They" say one of the easiest ways to make an active commitment to your spouse is through gifts. Honestly, what do they know, right? Well, let's not throw this baby out with the bath water.
We have to admit that there are some who find value in receiving gifts in relationships, so we cannot dismiss what is important to our loved one. We want to maintain a redemptive atmosphere in our relationships, remember? So that means no judgment. In fact, committing to this act is not as hard as it seems. Start your own tradition of gift giving in your relationship.
Something that we created in our marriage is #DirtWars. When the kids used to try to catch me in the act of surprising them, they would ask, "What are you doing" or "What are you up to, mom"? My answer? "Dirt!" Believe it or not I brought that idea into our marriage. It's code for "I'm up to something 'good' for YOU but it's a surprise"! Sometimes it's a favorite treat that magically appears in nightstands, a note strategically placed in the driver's seat of the car, or destination treasure hunt. Who knows! But the results are fun, easily reciprocated, and most of all... you can keep track so you that you can stay on track with your giving. :D
Bird & Fish
Did you know this was a part of the "cleaving" process? We are to pursue each other closely to create a strong bond. Therefore... Strength can be a result of close association? You got it! Simply put, be intentional about making time for the one you love. Again, our first example of this is Christ and His bride. How would it look if we just happened to read a scripture where Jesus put us on hold? It doesn't even sound right! It is downright out of character for God to "back burner" His own. Can you imagine feeling lost, alone, defeated, emotional tank on empty yet again, and all you can think about is how nice it would be if you and Jesus could just spend some time together. You finally get a chance to see him and make your request known, and He says, "I'll see what I can do." And just how long would that relationship last? Seems like the "little foxes" Solomon warned us about already ruined the vineyard. (Song of Solomon 2:15)
Also, make sure the amount and quality of time you spend together is sufficient for your relationship. Don't measure your quality time against another couple's outcome. If you couldn't afford the trip to Paris this year, well several planned weekends away from home to surrounding cities less than a couple of hours drive adds up! Try a "no phone" Saturday from midnight until midnight, complete with planned fun activities. Keep the dating phase going: Parents, keep a babysitter on speed dial or search for local PNOs (Parents Night Out) to give yourselves a child-free dinner, a movie, or both! The point is to fill up that slot of time with "value" no matter the duration. Remind your spouse that they ARE enough for you. It doesn't have to be conventional. It just needs to work for you!
Bird & Fish
So last week we discussed actions speaking louder than words for our soulmates. Well, this week is for the ones who thrive on words of affirmation. For many people, these minor actions are key to their stability and growth. This is not to say our loved ones are needy and dependent on the acceptance of everyone with whom they may come in contact. Admittedly, we can all attest to having that moment of pleasure that puts an extra pep in our step whenever we receive an unsolicited compliment somewhere in our hectic day.
Today's society teaches us that affirming another person is evidence of weakness in either party. Either the giver is manipulative or the recipient is needy with mommy/daddy issues. But even God our Father affirms us throughout His Word. There is one in particular we all long for. How many testimonies have ended with the following words? "I just want hear Jesus say to me 'Well done thou good and faithful servant'." Guess what? That's an affirmation! Why would we want to withhold one of the very acts our heavenly Father, who we can't see, uses to show us His love from the ones we say we love, who we see every day? God knows this life is not easy, and He has pre-planned a "compliment" for us to look forward to when we finally see Him face to face.
Playing our roles in our marriage and family is not always easy. It can take a toll on us internally as well as externally. What's more comforting to you than hearing unsolicited compliments on your progress from the one who sees your efforts day in and day out? We expect if from our employers, our pastors, and extended family members. Make it a practice in your most vulnerable environment, your marriage.
Bird & Fish
Putting action to words can make a world of difference to your spouse. We are living in a world now where a person's word has very little value. Honestly, can you blame someone for having trouble in this area? Family dynamics are in shambles. Many marriages consist of previously damaged fragments of a person loosely glued together and desperately trying to function as normally as possible. So believing in someone just because they say the words "I love you" is no longer the norm.
For so many of us, actions will speak louder than words. If that's the kind of person who you have committed to "doing life with", be sure to keep your word by following with the promised action (Matt 5:33-37 talks about empty promises.). Showing your teammate that you are willing to share the physical and mental load that comes with marriage and family is more valuable than riches. Not to mention, it can save you a few words in the end, like "I'm sorry".
B & F Ministry
Back To Blogs Home Page
Just a little birdy and fish about the Father's business. Helping to better the world one blog at a time.