Contrary to popular belief I haven’t always been outgoing. As a child, I was very shy and very rarely spoke to people that I did not know and because of that I developed this outlook that people did not approach me or befriend me simply because they did not like me! (What a lie from the pit of hell!) However, with that way of thinking, it became very easy for me to isolate myself and withdraw into my own emotions and how I thought people viewed me. Boy, was I wrong! :)
I have learned that even in the midst of my loneliness, isolation was the easiest way for the enemy to target me and take me out! As I have grown in the Lord, He has shown me how dangerous it is to do that and in the midst of the loneliness not only did He show me His love but His faithfulness.
During this period of loneliness the Lord spoke to me regarding my natural response to isolate myself and He basically told me (through my husband) to“get over myself” and “force” my way out of my own, self-inflicted isolation. I did not want to, at first because I allowed the enemy to toy with my mind with phrases like “they don’t really like you, they just talk to you because you all go to church together” and all they did was continue to force me into an even deeper desire to stay closed off because I was not worthy enough to have anyone “really” like me.
Finally, even with all of the prodding, I listened and God spoke again: “Do not base how people love you on my love for you.” What I had failed to realize in my loneliness was that I limited God’s own love for me based on how I felt other people felt about me and it could not be further from the truth! He loved me and more importantly if I never had another friend in the world that should be enough.
So, I listened.
I forced myself to reach out to people.
I forced myself to text someone or call someone “just because” and as much as I enjoyed reading “Girls with Swords” I had to force myself out to the “Forging the Sword” event to keep from isolating myself no matter how uncomfortable it was. (I ended up having a really great time and was glad I went).
Then, God showed me something else, that even in the midst of my loneliness I was not the only person going through something. I was not the only person who felt “some type of way.” He told me not to take things personally with people because we are all at different places in our walk with Him and that everyone is operating out of their own filters because of what they may be going through and it is not all about me!!! It wasn’t anything personal about the way I was feeling and that I was just in the place of transition, as we all are.
The most important thing that I learned was:
He even brought two people to me that night that reached out to me when I didn’t feel like I really mattered and furthermore solidified how awesome He is despite my foolish thought that I was alone in anything!
Angelina Vickers, Guest Blogger