When we were dating, my wife and I relied on texting for a sizeable part of our communication. Our texts, while not salacious, were certainly romantic. We let each other know how happy we were to have the other in our life. We conveyed our desire to spend time with the other. We shared things we encountered that made us think of the other. Because we were long distance for a while, each text was viewed as a message from heaven, to be cherished and reviewed with joy and happiness.
Fast forward to this morning, when I read a text I had just sent to my wife. Your friend, the romantic, sent a text that read “Putting out meat for dinner. Anything particular you want defrosted”. Yep, that’s me, the next Shakespeare. As I looked at my phone, I was struck by the difference between this message and messages I had sent to her during our dating phase. I found the difference so incongruous that I had to call a good friend of mine to share what I had found. As we laughed at my lack of romance, I was struck by a revelation.
During the dating process, we do everything we can to show the other person that they are important to us, cherished, and valued. Our every communication conveys this idea, not just text, but phone calls. We call the other person on the phone just to see how their day is going, to encourage them, to reassure them of our presence. As we settle into the comforts of marriage, however, the temptation is to use our communications to relay more prosaic information. Little Susie has the measles, my car is making a funny sound, don’t forget we have dinner with the Smiths tonight. We can take for granted that our spouse knows that we still value them, care about them, and want them to feel they are an important part of our life. If we continue, we can find ourselves drifting away from each other, settling into the roles of roommates as opposed to romancers.
So what do we do to fix this? Remember the first time you spent meaningful time with your spouse. Remember the way it made you feel, and how you wanted them to know what they really meant to you. Then take the time to let them know it, not while they’re wrangling the 8 year old into bed, or cleaning the kitchen, but when you have a moment for them to truly appreciate it. Take the time (make the time) to make sure they know they are still appreciated. Don’t just do it once, but make the time to continually reinforce how much they truly mean to you. You will find that it will put a smile on their face (and in their heart). You will also find that it will help you see a fresher side of your marriage as you remember the reasons you married this person.
Heading off to deeper waters,
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Just a little birdy and fish about the Father's business. Helping to better the world one blog at a time.